Today would have been my mother's 73rd birthday. She past away just under three years ago and today, I feel her loss more than I have since she past away. I knew this day was coming and this morning, I found some time to write about my mother, her life, her birthday, and her passing. I feel a loss as I begin my day and the day goes quickly and is filled with a lot of stuff, some of it is just there to keep me busy. As I get in my car to drive home, I really start to feel it. I feel the loss of my mother, it seems so strange, but it must be part of the grieving process that I am going through.
While driving home, I try to connect with my family and do not have any luck and then I am drawn to connect with a friend of mine. As I tell her what I am going through, she asks me, "What are you holding onto?" Strange question, but I look at the question and I then ask, "What am I hiding from?" and from that question, I get "It is your time." A strange thought, but one that resonates with me. As I feel into the loss that I have, I am sad that my daughter will not have the experience of growing up with my mother as one of her guides, but without my mother here, I need to step up and be a guide - not to fill the role my mother would have, but to fill the role I need to fill as a guide for my daughter and others.
So, I need to step forward and be more of me. Yes, I miss my mother and to honor her, I need to be me. Thanks mom for this gift. I wish you were here to share it.