I consider myself a caring person. I care how people are doing. I care about what is going on in their life. I try to remember their birthdays. I try and reach out when there is an important event in their life. I try and keep in contact with them over the years. I know that I have many special relationships, because of the caring that I have for people.
Where I think that this breaks down is when I care about what people think of me. In some of those cases, instead of saying what the person needs to hear, or what I believe, I say what I think they want to hear. Instead of doing what I think is right, I do what I think they want me to do. In both cases, I am limiting who I am as a person by trying to be what I think they want me to be.
I have the biggest problem with this with people of power, like my boss. Sometimes, I sit in meetings with these people and instead of being with the energy and allowing me to answer from me, I am more concerned with saying what I think these people want to hear. To be in alignment with them, instead of saying something that might disappoint them. Though I consider that by doing this, I am caring, but in reality I am only caring about me. Afraid of being rejected. Wanting their acceptance. If I am not being true to myself, does it really matter if I have their acceptance or not? If I am trying to be who they want me to be, am I really caring about myself?
When I get myself into these situations, what do I need to do? First, for me, I need to check in with myself and see where I am. As I look back, when I am trying to say what they want to hear, I know that I am not present. I am projecting myself into the future analyzing what I might say and trying to predict how it will land on the person. Thus, for me, it is about understanding if I am being present with them or not. If I am not present, do I want to change and focus on the present. It is always a choice. I do not want to force myself to be present. I just need to consider, do I want to be present? If I decide to be present, can I be with the conversation? Can I allow my part of the conversation to come through me? Am I willing to speak what wants to come through me?
Speaking what wants to come through me is hard for me, because I have not fully broken up with caring what people think of me, but it is a work in progress. It is a trust that I need to build within me that what is coming through me needs to be spoken and needs to be spoken by me. And a trust that what happens after I speak it will happen for the best of both parties. It can be a scary leap depending on what is going on in the conversation, but when done from really caring for people, magic can happen and I have experienced it. I have some really amazing relationships because of these spaces and I have become a better person because of it.
If you are looking to break up with caring what people think of me, let me know. I have a few opening in my coaching schedule and willing to take on some new clients. If you are interested in receiving coaching from me, please head over to the Connect with Sean page and send me your information. I will set up an initial call for us to talk about what you are looking for from coaching, I will explain how I coach, and we can then decide if there is a fit for us to work together.